This page contains chapter-by-chapter summaries/warnings for If I Would... and links to each chapter.

The overall warning:

Word Count: 50,000+ in 12 chapters
Rating: R or NC-17 depending on the chapter, and what your rating standards are
Warnings: This is definitely darkfic. Sex, death, violence, kink, rape, a relationship that is incestuous in intent if not in deed. Some rough language. Reminiscing about underage (13+) sexuality.
Summary: Based on the premise that there is a finite amount of awfulness between Ges Vorrutyer and Aral Vorkosigan. By the time we meet Ges in canon (Shards of Honor), it's almost all on Ges's side. Here, that's not the case.
Additionally: LMB created this world, it's copyrighted by her, and I play in it because she's willing to ignore the existence of Bujold fanfic. Thanks to Josan and Firefly_124 for beta reading. And my husband for putting up with it all.

Chapter 1
"It's your eyes. You are so handsome, but you have eyes like a woman's. I've been sneaking glances at your face... I just can't help myself."
Content: Introducing Ges and Aral as friends and lovers, as students in the Imperial Service Academy.
Warnings: Decidedly explicit opening scene; siblings bordering-on-incest; violence, language, angst.

Chapter 2
How many times had Ges gone down on one knee before Aral, and what had usually followed? It was a well-remembered, intimate gesture, between them. But a moment later, Aral had masked himself completely, ready for his bride.
Content: Mostly about Aral's engagement to Ges's sister, and the wedding.
Warnings: language, Ges's sister being naughty to/with him, angsty sexual frustration, a wedding-night sex scene.

Chapter 3
In the process of making this drawing, Ges and Aral had locked their eyes on each other. His sister had vanished out of Ges's mind, as he watched Aral chew his lip slightly and return his gaze.
Content: the gradual disintegration of Aral's marriage.
Warnings: Ges's sister being even more naughty to/with him, lots of angsty sexual frustration, a threesome, hints of rape.

Chapter 4
"Well, you've picked yourself a good partner for that sort of thing. I don't know Aral well, but he's got a stick up his butt about honor, and a temper, and a wife. Your sister, in case you've forgotten. Why the hell do you want to get tangled up in that?"
Content: Ges gets some advice, his sister is up to some new and interesting tricks, and the deaths associated with the end of Aral's marriage start.
Warnings: bondage, more sexual frustration, language, very strong incestuous impulses, all tangled up together.

Chapter 5
He opened his eyes. There was a little light from outside coming through the heavy curtains, from the same moonlight that had illuminated his sister's loveliness just two nights before. Her heart-shaped face and the beauty of her exposed body hovered in his consciousness until it was replaced by something infinitely weary and far less beautiful -- but equally loved.
Content: A surprise, Ges's sister's death, Aral's return, Ges and Aral journey to Vorrutyer District for the funeral.
Warnings: Death, violence...

Chapter 6
It seemed to Ges that each breath Aral took restored him to the living. There would be more pain, Ges had no doubt of it, but this brief moment seemed so normal, and they both needed a respite of normal, at least for a little while.
Content: A funeral, bracketed by two very important conversations. And Aral being rigid (not like that!) and suicidal.
Warnings: Serious angst, language, one sex scene.

Chapter 7
It was their last night together for ... who knew how long. At dinner, they cracked a bottle of the best Vorkosigan red wine, supplied by Aral's father in a happier time. It reminded Ges of his sister, of everything that had happened, and how much of it was his own fault. He didn't really think it was worth it, just to have Aral back.
Content: The remaining days of Ges and Aral's bereavement leave. Is Aral ready to return to duty?
Warnings: Kink, sex, violence

Chapter 8
Ges hated this. Hated seeing Aral so beaten, so impaired. He crouched down in the snow in front of Aral and grasped him by the shoulders, then pulled him into a kiss. Aral was like deadweight in Ges's arms, but this got a response from him, a mumbled, "Love you." Ges had to blink back tears as he helped Aral up to his feet...
Content: Ges and Aral go back on duty. But Aral gets stupid and suicidal.
Warnings: Not-pretty visual sexual imagery/fantasies. Language. Violence.

Chapter 9
Through the closed door, Armsman Ruben spoke. "ImpSec's here. They need you at the Residence." Ges got into his undress greens -- the most presentable uniform he had on hand, after several nights in a row of drunken carousing "in honor of," Aral had said with an ironic salaam, "my demotion" -- and pulled on his boots.
Content: Piotr being mean, a surprising story, a chilling interview.
Warnings: Language, reference to underage (13 y.o.) sexuality.

Chapter 10
He thought it wouldn't be difficult at all for him to be faithful to Aral, once Piotr's moral crusade blew over. Aral was easy to admire, publicly, a precocious Commander at age 25, and, as Emperor Ezar had predicted, an active, respected military genius. And privately... Ges loved the Aral he knew intimately even more. Even though they could be separated for months at a time, every reunion was also a reunification. They moved together, thought together, like Ges had heard old married couples do.
Content: Several years later. The end of things.
Warnings: violence, language, deaths.

Epilogue
The Prince pushed Ges back against the wall and whispered to him, "So, I hear you like to watch. Come see how I do it." There was something menacingly confident in his tone and stance, much older than the nineteen year old boy he was.
Content: Ges is now 32, and he meets Prince Serg, who chills him and then lights a fire in him.
Warnings: kink, language, borderline non-con, implied sex. IMHO, the ugliest part of the story.

Coda: Aral
Instead he'd turned away, violently -- he fingered the scar on his face, the spot still numb from the damage he took in that awful, final fight they'd had -- and had then filled himself with hate to crowd out his grief. Hate and ambition. Ambition to prove that while he'd disgraced himself with Ges, he'd never forgotten his honor.
Content: Many years later, Aral looks back in anguish.
Warnings: mostly hellish angst. Major spoilers for the first Vorkosiverse book, Shards of Honor.